Talking to Children About Tragedy and Distressing Events

Respond to feelings without prescribing them

Children can feel frightened, sad, angry, numb, curious, guilty or apparently unaffected. Reactions may appear in play, sleep, appetite, concentration, body complaints, clinginess, irritability, withdrawal or repeated checking. A short-term stress response does not by itself mean that a child has post-traumatic stress disorder.

Listen and reflect before offering solutions. You might say, “That sounds frightening,” or, “You wish you could help.” Adults do not need to hide every emotion. It is more useful to show feelings in a contained way and explain what helps: “I feel sad about it too, so I’m talking with another adult and taking a break from the news.”

Offer connection in ways the child accepts. This might be sitting nearby, talking, drawing, playing, walking, contacting family or spending time with community. Ask before using touch rather than assuming that hugs are comforting.

Limit repeated and graphic exposure

Australian Red Cross advises balancing the need for information against repeated exposure to stressful images and sounds, particularly for children. The eSafety Commissioner also notes that violent footage may appear through autoplay, recommendations, reposts or misleading thumbnails.

• Use one or two reliable news sources and check them at planned times.
• Keep graphic footage and adult discussion away from younger children.
• Turn off autoplay, previews and non-essential notifications where possible.
• Ask what has appeared in the child’s feeds, messages, games or group chats.
• Do not replay, download or share violent material, even to raise awareness.
• Use platform reporting, blocking and filtering tools when harmful content appears.

If a child has already seen something distressing, stay calm, ask what they saw and how it affected them, stop re-exposure and report seriously harmful content through the platform or eSafety where appropriate.

Support recovery over the following days and weeks

Predictable care can help restore a sense of continuity. Keep ordinary routines for meals, sleep, school and activities where possible, while allowing temporary flexibility. Tell the child about changes before they happen and identify the adults they can approach at home and school.

Useful supports can include:

• regular brief check-ins without repeatedly questioning the child
• time for play, movement, creativity, rest and connection
• a simple family or school safety plan based on the actual situation
• support for sleep without using distressing news as background media
• cultural, spiritual or community practices chosen by the family
• a safe, realistic way to help, such as a verified community activity or message of support.

Helping should not expose the child to more graphic detail, place them in an adult role or suggest they are responsible for repairing the event.

What schools can do

Schools should coordinate communication rather than relying on individual staff to improvise. Information should be factual, age-appropriate and consistent with emergency, education and child-safety procedures.

• Identify students and families who were directly affected or may face discrimination.
• Provide a quiet, private way for students to seek support.
• Maintain structure with reasonable flexibility for concentration and attendance.
• Brief staff on what is known, what should not be speculated about and how to refer concerns.
• Monitor classroom screens and shared digital spaces for graphic or hateful content.
• Contact parents or carers when a student shows significant distress or safety concerns, subject to safeguarding obligations.

Schools should not promise that harm can never occur or assume that counselling is immediately available. They can explain the safety measures currently in place and give families accurate information about available supports.

What the evidence can and cannot tell us

A 2018 systematic review of 66 studies involving 78,643 participants found associations between disaster media exposure and mental health reactions in children and adults. The literature was varied and important questions about context and individual susceptibility remained. This supports limiting repeated exposure, but it does not mean that one news report will harm every child.

A broader review found that children’s responses to disasters are influenced by family reactions, parenting, social support, secondary stressors and media coverage. Support should therefore be matched to the child’s exposure, development, relationships and circumstances rather than based on age alone.

When to seek further help

Many children experience temporary distress and recover with safe, responsive support. Speak with a GP, psychologist, school wellbeing professional or another qualified clinician when reactions are severe, increasing, persistent or substantially affecting daily life. Concerns may include:

• repeated nightmares, intrusive memories or intense distress at reminders
• strong avoidance that restricts school, relationships or ordinary activities
• marked changes in sleep, eating, concentration or self-care
• persistent withdrawal, hopelessness, aggression or dangerous behaviour
• ongoing physical symptoms without a clear explanation
• talk of self-harm, suicide or wanting to die.

If there is immediate danger, call Triple Zero (000) or attend the nearest hospital emergency department. For crisis support in Australia, contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800 for children and young people aged 5 to 25.

How Quirky Kid can help

A Quirky Kid psychologist can assess emotional and behavioural concerns, provide psychological support when the service is an appropriate fit and collaborate with family, school and other professionals. Support should consider the child’s actual exposure, development, culture, strengths and safety.

For non-urgent concerns, read about child and family psychology consultations or contact Quirky Kid before booking. Our guide to supporting children through trauma and natural disasters explains longer-term recovery after direct or community exposure.

Key points for adults

• Check what the child knows and whether anyone is in immediate danger.
• Use honest facts, acknowledge uncertainty and avoid promises you cannot keep.
• Let the child talk without forcing disclosure or one emotional response.
• Reduce repeated, graphic and algorithm-driven exposure.
• Maintain connection and flexible routines, then seek help when distress is severe, persistent or unsafe.

This article provides general educational information. It does not diagnose trauma-related conditions or replace emergency, medical or psychological care.