Grief and Loss in Children: A Parent Guide

Support That Fits the Child’s Development

Age guides can be useful, but development is not identical for every child. Check what your child already understands and correct misconceptions gently.

Younger children

Young children may not understand that death is permanent and can ask when the person is returning. They may repeat questions, act out events in play, become more clingy or return to earlier behaviours. Use short explanations, repeat them calmly and keep care routines predictable.

Primary school-aged children

School-aged children increasingly understand that death is final and happens to all living things. They may want detailed facts, worry that another person will die or believe they could have prevented the death. Give clear information, address guilt directly and tell the school what support may be helpful.

Teenagers

Teenagers usually understand death in an adult-like way but may be exploring fairness, identity, meaning and their own mortality. Some talk with friends or express grief online rather than with family. Respect privacy while staying connected, checking safety and keeping reasonable expectations around school, sleep and responsibilities.

Practical Ways to Help

• Stay available without forcing conversation. Let the child talk, draw, play, write, sit quietly or return later.
• Maintain dependable routines. Familiar meals, school, activities and bedtime can provide security, with flexibility on difficult days.
• Name feelings without prescribing them. Try, “You might feel sad, angry, relieved or something else. You can tell me when you want to.”
• Remember the person together. Photos, stories, music, a memory box, a letter or a cultural ritual can help maintain a meaningful connection.
• Prepare for reminders. Plan together for birthdays, anniversaries, holidays and places connected with the death.
• Coordinate with school. Agree on one trusted adult, temporary learning adjustments and a private way for the child to ask for a break.

Children can see that adults are sad. Explain your feelings and show that adults can seek support and keep caring for the family. Avoid making the child responsible for comforting adults or hiding their own grief.

Funerals, Memorials and Family Rituals

Participation can help some children understand what has happened and feel included. It should not be forced. Explain beforehand what the child may see, what people might do and that strong feelings are normal. Offer choices about attending, leaving early, sitting with a trusted adult or contributing through a drawing, flower, reading or other meaningful action.

Cultural, religious and family practices differ. Ask what matters to the child and family rather than assuming one ritual is best. If viewing a body is being considered, prepare the child carefully and ensure they can change their mind.

When Grief and Other Difficulties Overlap

Grief itself is not a mental health disorder. It can still occur alongside depression, anxiety, trauma responses, sleep problems or other concerns. A sudden, violent or frightening death can produce both grief and traumatic stress. Bereavement after suicide requires especially careful, truthful communication and active attention to the young person’s safety.

There is no fixed deadline by which a child should be “over it”. Look at the intensity, persistence and effect of the response, as well as whether it is easing or becoming more restrictive. Consider professional support when a child:

• has severe or increasing distress that is difficult to manage
• withdraws for a prolonged period from family, friends, school or valued activities
• shows marked and continuing changes in sleep, eating, self-care or daily functioning
• has strong guilt, self-blame, hopelessness or persistent fear that another person will die
• repeatedly relives a traumatic death or avoids reminders so extensively that daily life is restricted
• uses alcohol or other drugs, behaves dangerously or becomes violent
• talks about wanting to die, self-harm or suicide.

A GP can consider physical and mental health, assess safety and discuss suitable referrals. A psychologist, school counsellor, social worker, bereavement service, cultural support person or spiritual leader may form part of the support network, depending on the family’s needs and preferences.

What Does Research Say About Bereavement Support?

Most bereaved children do not need formal therapy simply because someone has died. Compassionate adults, honest information, stable care and connection with family, school, community and culture can be protective.

A 2024 systematic review and meta-analysis included 39 studies involving 5,578 bereaved children and adolescents. Preventive programs showed a small effect on grief in controlled studies. Larger improvements were reported in programs targeting young people with elevated distress, but much of that evidence came from uncontrolled studies. The interventions and study quality varied considerably.

A 2026 evidence and gap map identified 99 sources but found that most systematic reviews were low quality and many trial methods were unclear. The evidence therefore supports matching help to the child’s needs rather than assuming that one program, grief stage or counselling approach suits everyone.

If a child is also showing signs of low mood, our guide to childhood depression explains assessment and safety considerations. Persistent sleep disruption can be discussed with a GP and considered alongside our children’s sleep guide.

When Urgent Help Is Needed

Ask directly if you are concerned about safety: “Have you been thinking about hurting yourself?” or “Have you been thinking that you do not want to be alive?” Asking clearly does not put the idea into a child’s mind. Take any disclosure seriously.

If there is immediate danger, call Triple Zero (000) or go to the nearest hospital emergency department. Stay with the child unless doing so would place you at risk. If it is safe, reduce access to medicines, weapons or other possible means of harm while emergency help is arranged.

For crisis support in Australia, call Lifeline on 13 11 14. Children and young people aged 5 to 25 can contact Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800. These services do not replace emergency care when danger is immediate.

How Quirky Kid Can Help

Quirky Kid psychologists can assess emotional, behavioural and developmental concerns, provide psychological support when the service is an appropriate fit and collaborate with families, schools and other professionals. Support should consider the child’s development, family circumstances, culture, strengths, safety and the nature of the loss.

Quirky Kid is not a crisis or emergency service. For non-urgent concerns, learn about child and family psychology consultations or contact the team before booking if you are unsure about fit. Our guide to fear of death and dying may help when worry about mortality is the main concern rather than a recent bereavement.

Key Points for Parents

• Use direct, age-appropriate language and be ready to repeat explanations.
• Expect grief to change over time rather than follow fixed stages.
• Offer conversation, routines, memories and cultural or spiritual connection without forcing one way of grieving.
• Include children in funerals or rituals through informed choice and preparation.
• Seek help when distress is severe, persistent, unsafe or substantially affecting daily life.

This article provides general educational information. It does not diagnose prolonged grief, depression or another condition and does not replace individual medical or psychological advice.