Sex Education for Children: How to Talk About Bodies, Sex and Relationships

Primary school years: build knowledge before it is needed

Primary school children often ask how babies are made, why bodies differ or what words they have heard mean. Find out what they already know, correct misinformation and give a short factual answer. For example, a younger child may only need to know that a baby grows in a uterus. An older child may be ready to understand that a sperm and egg can join, including that families may be formed through sexual intercourse, fertility treatment, adoption, fostering or other pathways.

Begin discussing puberty before changes start. Include menstruation, erections, ejaculation, body hair, skin changes, body odour, emotional changes and the wide range of healthy development. Avoid describing one type of body or family as the default.

Consent can be practised in ordinary life. Children can ask before hugging someone, stop when play is no longer enjoyable and respect privacy when changing clothes or using the bathroom. The Australian Curriculum now teaches consent and respectful relationships explicitly, but school education and family conversations work best as complementary sources of information.

Preteens and teenagers: be direct and practical

As children approach adolescence, conversations should become more specific. Young people need accurate information before they face decisions or pressure. Useful topics include:

• Puberty, attraction, masturbation and sexual feelings.
• Sexual orientation, gender identity and respect for diversity.
• Healthy, unhealthy and controlling relationship behaviours.
• Freely given, informed and ongoing consent, including the right to change one’s mind.
• Contraception, condom use, pregnancy and prevention of sexually transmitted infections.
• Where to obtain confidential sexual health information and care.
• Peer pressure, alcohol or other drugs and situations in which consent cannot be freely given.
• Sexual messages, intimate images, online grooming and sexual extortion.

Family values can be discussed alongside factual health and safety information. Be clear when you are expressing a belief or family expectation and when you are explaining a fact. This helps young people understand your values without leaving gaps in the information they need to make safer decisions.

Talk about pornography before it becomes a crisis

Children can encounter sexual content accidentally or seek it out through curiosity. If this happens, stay calm and make it clear that they are not in trouble. Ask what they saw, how it appeared and how they feel about it.

Explain that pornography is created for adults and is not a reliable guide to bodies, consent, pleasure or respectful relationships. It can present unrealistic bodies, gender stereotypes, aggression or sexual activity without clear communication. Alongside device settings and parental controls, ongoing conversation helps children question what they see and seek support when content is upsetting.

Young people also need to know that intimate images can be copied, shared or used to pressure someone. If an image may show a person under 18, do not download, copy or forward it as evidence. Follow current eSafety guidance and seek advice about safe reporting.

How to make conversations easier

Use small everyday opportunities

A pregnancy, news story, book, television scene or question from your child can open a short conversation. Talking while driving or walking can feel easier for children who dislike sustained eye contact.

Find out what your child means

Before answering, ask, “What have you heard?” or “What made you wonder about that?” This helps you respond to the real question and identify misinformation without overwhelming them.

Give a brief and accurate answer

Use plain language, then pause. If your child wants more information, they will often ask another question. Avoid jokes, teasing or showing shock, even if the question surprises you.

Admit when you do not know

You can say, “That is a good question. I want to give you the right information, so let’s look it up.” Returning with an answer builds more trust than guessing or changing the subject.

Make room for different ways of communicating

Some children prefer books, drawings, visual schedules or written questions. Children with disability, developmental differences or communication needs may benefit from shorter conversations, explicit examples, repetition and regular checks for understanding.

Keep the door open

End with a simple invitation: “You can always ask me about bodies, relationships or sex. You will not be in trouble for asking.” A child does not have to discuss everything immediately to know that support is available.

A shared role for parents, carers and schools

Every family structure is different. One parent, several parents, grandparents, kinship carers or other trusted adults may contribute to these conversations. What matters is that children receive consistent messages about respect, safety and where to find accurate information.

Schools have an important role in providing structured, age-appropriate education about health, consent and respectful relationships. Parents and carers add personal context, family values and continuing opportunities for questions. Ask what the school teaches so you can reinforce key ideas and address anything your child has misunderstood.

Sexual behaviour: curiosity or cause for concern?

Curiosity about bodies can be part of childhood development. The meaning of a behaviour depends on the child’s age and development, the context, how often it happens and whether everyone involved is safe and comfortable.

Seek professional advice when sexual behaviour involves:

• Force, coercion, threats, secrecy or aggression.
• Distress, pain, injury or fear.
• A significant difference in age, development, power or understanding.
• Explicit adult-like sexual acts.
• Persistent behaviour that continues despite calm redirection.
• Sexual behaviour that interferes with everyday activities.
• Pornography or sexual images involving children.

A concerning behaviour does not prove that a child has experienced abuse, and children who display harmful sexual behaviour also need careful support. Respond calmly, separate children if needed, ensure immediate safety and seek guidance from a GP, child psychologist or specialist service. Avoid shaming labels.

If a child tells you about sexual harm

Listen calmly, take the child seriously and reassure them that they did the right thing by telling you. Make it clear that the harm is not their fault. Ask only what is necessary to understand immediate safety. Do not interrogate the child or confront the person alleged to have caused harm, as trained authorities are responsible for investigation.

Maintain the child’s privacy while sharing information with the people who need to help keep them safe. Record the child’s words as accurately as you can and contact the relevant police or child protection authority. Professionals must also follow their organisation’s procedures and the mandatory reporting requirements in their state or territory. If a child is in immediate danger, call Triple Zero (000).

The Australian Institute of Family Studies provides guidance on responding to disclosures. Kids Helpline offers free support to people aged 5 to 25.

When psychological support may help

Consider professional support when conversations repeatedly lead to intense distress or conflict, when a child is struggling with puberty, body image, identity, relationships or online experiences, or when sexual behaviour raises developmental or safety concerns. A psychologist can help parents understand the situation, plan age-appropriate conversations and support the child’s wellbeing. They do not replace medical care, child protection or police responses when these are required.

Families can explore child and family psychology consultations in Sydney and Wollongong or contact the Quirky Kid team to discuss a suitable next step. The existing BriteChild option below provides a separate online pathway for families across Australia, subject to clinical suitability and current availability.