How to Help a Child Experiencing Bullying: A Parent Guide

What to do if your child says they are being bullied

1. Listen before solving

Choose a quiet time and let your child finish. You might say, “I’m glad you told me”, “This is not your fault” and “We will work out the next step together”. Stay as calm as you can. A visibly angry reaction can make a child worry that they have created another problem.

2. Check safety

Ask whether your child feels safe going to school, travelling home and using online services. Find out whether there have been threats, physical harm, stalking, sexual image-sharing or thoughts of self-harm. If anyone is in immediate danger, call Triple Zero (000).

3. Understand the pattern

Ask open questions about what happened, where and when it happened, who was present and what your child has already tried. Keep brief, factual notes. Include dates, locations, witnesses and the effect on your child. Avoid repeated questioning that feels like an interrogation.

4. Make the plan with your child

Bullying can create a strong loss of control. Explain what you need to do and invite your child’s ideas about safe adults, safe places and how the school can respond without drawing unnecessary attention to them. Do not promise complete secrecy. Explain that you will share information only with people who need it to help keep them safe.

How to work with the school

Report school-related bullying to the school, including behaviour that happens online or outside school when it affects a student’s safety or participation. Start with the class teacher, year adviser or wellbeing team. Ask for the school’s anti-bullying policy and arrange a focused conversation.

Share the facts and the impact on your child, then ask:

• what immediate steps will help your child feel safe
• how the concern will be investigated
• which staff member your child can approach
• how privacy will be managed
• when the school will update you
• how the plan will be reviewed if the behaviour continues

Keep records of contacts and agreed actions. If the response is not adequate, escalate through the principal or leadership team and then the school’s formal complaints process or governing body. Avoid confronting the other child or their family directly. This can increase conflict and make a school investigation harder.

Whole-school approaches can help, but no program guarantees that bullying will stop. A large systematic review found that school-based programs produced modest average reductions in bullying. Consistent implementation, adult follow-through and attention to the particular children and context still matter.

Practical strategies for your child

Child-level strategies can increase safety and confidence, but they should sit inside an adult-led plan. The responsibility for stopping bullying does not belong to the child experiencing it.

Depending on the situation, practise how to:

• use a clear statement such as “Stop. I don’t like that” when it is safe
• move towards a supervised or busy area
• stay near supportive peers
• tell a named adult immediately
• describe what happened using simple facts

A confident response or walking away may sometimes reduce reinforcement for the behaviour. It is not a test of courage and it will not work in every situation. Never encourage a child to confront someone who is violent, threatening or able to place them at greater risk.

Responding to cyberbullying

Do not immediately remove your child’s device. Children may avoid telling adults if they expect to lose their main source of connection. Listen first and agree on practical steps.

1. Preserve evidence. Save usernames, dates, URLs and screenshots before content disappears. Do not save or forward sexual images of anyone under 18. Seek police or eSafety advice instead.
2. Report the content. Use the service or platform’s reporting tools. For serious cyberbullying affecting a child, a report can also be made to the eSafety Commissioner after the platform has had a reasonable opportunity to respond.
3. Reduce contact. Block or mute accounts and review privacy, location and messaging settings.
4. Tell the school. Online behaviour can affect safety and learning even when it begins away from school.

Report credible threats, stalking, account access, sexual image-sharing or serious harassment to police. Call 000 when there is immediate danger.

Help children become safe witnesses

Peers can assist bullying, reinforce it, watch silently or act as defenders. Teach children not to like, share or comment on harmful content. If it is safe, they can include the targeted child, interrupt with a neutral distraction or say the behaviour is not okay. The safest and most reliable action is often to tell a trusted adult and show them the evidence.

If your child is using bullying behaviour

Hearing that your child has harmed someone can be confronting. Focus on the behaviour rather than defining the child as “a bully”. Behaviours can change.

• Stay calm and ask what happened without excusing the harm.
• Be clear that repeated intimidation, humiliation or exclusion is not acceptable.
• Work with the school to understand the pattern, triggers, peer dynamics and impact.
• Use fair consequences that relate to the behaviour, including repairing harm when this is safe and appropriate.
• Teach and practise alternative skills for managing anger, status, conflict, jealousy or group pressure.
• Check whether your child is also being bullied, excluded or struggling with emotional, developmental or learning needs.

Accountability and support belong together. Shame, public humiliation and punishment without skill-building are unlikely to address why the behaviour is continuing.

When psychological support may help

Consider support from a GP, school counsellor or psychologist when bullying is linked with persistent anxiety, low mood, sleep problems, school refusal, physical complaints, loss of confidence or difficulty returning to usual activities. Professional help can also be useful when a child repeatedly uses bullying behaviour despite coordinated support.

If your child talks about suicide or self-harm, says they cannot stay safe or is in immediate danger, call Triple Zero (000). Children and young people can contact Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800 for free, confidential support.

Talk to a child psychologist

A Quirky Kid child psychologist consultation can help families understand the emotional impact of bullying and develop a practical support plan. Families across Australia, including those in rural or remote areas, can also explore BriteChild online psychology. Psychological support complements action by the school. It does not transfer responsibility for stopping the bullying to the child.