Challenging Behaviour in Children: What Parents Can Do

What to do in the moment

Protect safety first

Move other people and dangerous objects away if needed. Use the fewest words necessary and keep your voice steady. Do not try to teach a long lesson while the child is highly distressed. If safe, allow space and reduce stimulation.

State the limit and the next action

Combine acknowledgement with a clear boundary: “You are angry. I won’t let you hit. Step back with me.” Tell the child what to do, not only what to stop. Instructions are easier to follow when they are brief, specific and suited to the child’s language and attention.

Help the child regulate

Offer a familiar strategy such as moving to a quieter place, breathing slowly together, using a visual prompt, getting water or taking safe movement. Co-regulation is not giving in. It helps the child return to a state in which learning and problem-solving are possible.

Follow through calmly

If a consequence is needed, make it safe, brief and related to the behaviour. A toy used unsafely may be put away for now. A mess can be repaired with support. Avoid consequences that are delayed, excessive or unrelated because these are harder for children to connect with their actions.

After everyone is calm

Reconnect before reviewing what happened. Keep the discussion proportionate to the child’s age. Name the limit, listen to the child’s perspective and practise one alternative response. Repair may include checking on someone who was hurt, helping restore a space or planning a safer way to ask for a break.

Do not require an immediate apology as proof of remorse. A meaningful repair made after regulation is more useful than words forced during distress.

Prevent repeated problems

Choose one clear goal

Define the behaviour you want to see, such as “feet stay on the floor during dinner” or “ask for a break before leaving homework”. A specific goal is easier to teach and notice than “behave properly”.

Adjust the environment

• Use predictable routines and warnings before transitions.
• Break difficult tasks into manageable steps.
• Offer limited choices where either option is acceptable.
• Reduce unnecessary waiting, noise or competing demands.
• Plan food, rest, movement and connection around known pressure points.

Adjusting a demand is not automatically permissive. It can make success possible while the child develops the required skill.

Teach the replacement skill

If a child pushes work away because they cannot ask for help, teach and rehearse “Please help me start”. If they hit to protect space, practise stepping back, using a stop signal or calling an adult. Skills need teaching during calm periods and repeated practice in real situations.

Give attention to progress

Notice the behaviour you want more often and describe it specifically: “You were frustrated and you used words to ask for a break.” Praise effort and improvement, not only perfect outcomes. A simple reward plan can help when it targets one clearly defined behaviour, is achievable and is reviewed regularly. An earned reward should not later be removed.

Use rules and consequences carefully

Keep family rules few, positively worded and developmentally realistic. Involve older children in discussing them. Explain consequences in advance where possible. Natural or related consequences often teach more clearly than broad loss of privileges. Consequences work best within a warm relationship and alongside positive attention, instruction and practice.

Ignoring is not suitable for dangerous, destructive or severely distressed behaviour. Even for minor attention-seeking behaviour, parents should first consider what the behaviour communicates and whether the child has a safer way to obtain support. Time-out or quiet time is not essential for every family and should never involve fear, humiliation, restraint or prolonged isolation.

Approaches to avoid

• Smacking or physical punishment. It can harm children, models aggression and does not teach the desired skill.
• Shaming or labels. Calling a child naughty, manipulative or bad turns a behaviour problem into an identity judgement.
• Threats you cannot follow. Repeated warnings without predictable follow-through make limits less clear.
• Removing every valued activity. Movement, connection and enjoyable routines may be protective and should not be treated as disposable leverage.
• Solving everything during escalation. Safety and regulation come first. Teaching follows when the child can participate.

Coordinate across adults

Children benefit when caregivers and educators share a small number of priorities and respond in broadly consistent ways. This does not require identical parenting or school practices. Agree on the behaviour being supported, the replacement skill, how progress will be noticed and how adults will communicate.

Our guide to responsive parenting explains how warmth, attention and boundaries can work together. For attention-related difficulties, see Managing Attention Difficulties in Children.

When to seek professional support

Speak with a GP, psychologist or paediatrician when behaviour is frequent, intense or worsening, affects learning or relationships, occurs across settings, or leaves the child or family unable to manage everyday routines. Seek help sooner for aggression causing injury, cruelty, fire-setting, running away, serious property damage, threats of harm, marked developmental regression or behaviour linked with possible abuse or trauma.

Call Triple Zero (000) if someone is in immediate danger. A safety plan and urgent assessment may be needed alongside longer-term behaviour support.

What an assessment considers

A psychologist does not diagnose a condition from one behaviour or a parent checklist alone. Assessment may include developmental and health history, the child’s perspective, family and school information, observations and standardised measures when appropriate. The clinician considers when and where the behaviour occurs, its function, the child’s strengths and whether attention, learning, language, sleep, anxiety, mood, trauma, autism or another factor may be contributing.

Persistent oppositional behaviour does not automatically mean Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Diagnosis requires a pattern meeting defined criteria, associated impairment and consideration of other explanations.

Evidence-based parent support

Structured parent programs can teach caregivers to strengthen positive interactions, give effective instructions, reinforce desired behaviour and respond consistently. A meta-analysis of 25 randomised controlled trials involving children aged 2 to 13 with clinical levels of disruptive behaviour found that parent management training and Parent-Child Interaction Therapy reduced parent-rated disruptive behaviour compared with waiting-list controls. The studies varied and most evidence concerned younger children, so a program still needs to fit the child and family.

A larger 2025 systematic review also found short-term benefits from parent-only and multicomponent psychosocial interventions for preschool and school-aged children. Longer-term findings were less consistent and evidence for adolescents was limited. This supports using structured, monitored intervention without promising that one program will suit every family.

Families can book a child and family psychology consultation with Quirky Kid in Sydney or Wollongong. The first appointment can clarify the concern, immediate safety needs and whether parent support, child therapy, assessment or coordination with school is the best next step.

What to remember

• Describe the behaviour without defining the child by it.
• Look for developmental, emotional, environmental and skill-related contributors.
• Use brief safety-focused responses during escalation.
• Teach and reinforce a replacement behaviour when the child is calm.
• Seek assessment when the pattern is persistent, impairing or unsafe.